Rachel Matthews
Mrs. Oliver
World Literature Honors
25 April 2014
The
Truth Comes Out
“Hello,”
I said as I answered my phone abruptly at the school dance.
Brooke was on the other line and
she screamed into the phone right when she heard my voice, “Lindsay! Can you
hear me? I need your help immediately.”
“Brooke
what’s wrong?”
A million different things were rushing through my head, and
I could feel my face getting hot. What could Brooke possibly need my help with;
she just left the dance an hour ago.
After
a very long pause Brooke mumbled into the phone, “Becca is passed out at Ryan’s
house, and I need you to come right away! We don’t know what to do, and we are
freaking out. Help!”
“Okay
I’m coming right now. Don’t leave. Get her some water and bread. I will be
there in 5 minutes,” I gasped into the phone as I ran to find Becca’s older
brother, Jake, at the dance.
As
I looked through the huge sweaty group of people, I started to panic. How was I
going to find Jake in this giant mess of people? I peered through the crowd as
I pushed people out of the way, looking for a tall, brown haired kid wearing
khakis and a polo.
I
spotted Jake a few feet away dancing with his friends and I was relieved.
Well as relieved as someone can be
after finding out their friend is passed out at some sketchy kids house.
“Jake!
We need to leave right now your sister is passed out at this kids house and she
needs help,” I mumbled, nervous for his response.
“Are
you kidding me,” He responded angrily
“I
wish I was kidding, but I am serious we need to go.”
Jake and I sprinted to the parking
lot and were on our way to Ryan’s house as soon as possible. I called Brooke
back to tell her we were almost there. I was worried; I didn’t know what we were going to do once we
got to the house. I was so confused, because Becca told me she was leaving the
dance to go home, and drinking is definitely not something she would do. Becca
is a perfect student and the nicest person in the world, so when Brooke called
me I was extremely shocked. Once we arrived at the house, I prayed several
times, and then hopped out of the car, mentally prepared for the worst.
Brooke was waiting outside of the house and greeted us with a panic in her voice. We
walked inside to find Becca, laying face down on the ground with vomit all over
her clothing.
I
looked over to Jake and stated, “We need to take her home and call your dad
because we can’t do much to help her, and she might need to go to the
hospital.”
Jake looked at me like I was a
crazy person and said, “Are you kidding? We cannot take her home like this. She
is going to be in so much trouble.”
After
hearing this I was extremely frustrated because getting in trouble was the
least of anyone’s problems right now. Becca was in danger, and she needed much
better help than any of us could give her.
“I’m
calling your dad and telling him what happened. Sorry if you get in trouble,” I
said as I started dialing.
I
knew Ryan, Brooke, and Jake were going to be mad at me for calling, but not
taking Becca home and lying was going to land them in a much worse situation.
My
hands were shaking violently as I dialed. I didn’t even know what I was going
to say. I started to regret calling, but I knew it was the right thing to do. I
needed to tell him the truth, for everyone’s sake.
He
answered the phone quickly, “Hello, Lindsay?”
“Hi Mr. Rhodes, I’m calling to tell
you that I’m with Becca and Jake right now at Ryan’s house. We have a major
problem,” I explained the entire story and was relieved to find out he wasn’t
that mad, but more concerned. He was on his way to get Becca and take her to
the hospital.
Once
Beccas dad showed up, he realized how bad Beccas condition really was and was
extremely relieved that I had called him. He rushed her to the hospital
immediately to get her stomach pumped.
Later,
that night I got a call from Becca’s dad, thanking me for calling him when I
did. He explained that the doctors said that if she hadn’t come to the hospital
when she did, there would have been a very high chance of her dying due to many
different possible situations.
I
was extremely proud of my actions and thankful that I told the truth because it
ended up saving my best friends life. My decision also helped everyone involved
in the long run. Lying to stay out of trouble is one of the worst things
someone can do, because telling the truth is a very powerful thing that can end
up saving a life.
I love the suspense that builds throughout the story! The characters are very well developed and I can tell that Lindsay's inner conflict was very difficult for her to manage. There's great use of emotion to portray sensory detail - I can really see myself in the situation. I also like the way the passage of time is easy to follow and the way the story is easy to relate to.
ReplyDeleteI love the descriptive detail and the way it has a direct, tense style of narration--it adds to the panicky feel of the story!
ReplyDeleteI really like how this story feels like it could happen to any high schooler. Also, the suspense that you create really put me me on the edge of my seat. Throughout the story, I was able to feel the stress that the main character felt, you described it so well! The sweaty dance was also very easy to imagine. Your dialogue was really well-put and you didn't waste any time with it. Good job!
ReplyDeleteYour storyline was very well portrayed, and I loved how you gave your character's personalities through their dialogue instead of stating it. You did an awesome job portraying the "worry" your character felt as well. I like how you describe your emotions, and show that you're relieved when her father picks up the phone and is concerned.
ReplyDeleteRachel, I really like how you portray the setting and allow it to be relatable to the reader. Although Lindsay's action showed her worry, she showed that she was doing the right thing even though she was afraid to make the phone call. I like the build up in the beginning when Lindsay was trying to find Jake, and the suspense when she was making the phone call to Becca's dad. Excellent job!
ReplyDeleteI thought you did a great job with dialogue, and setting up the scene as well as building suspense. I wish you would have "showed" instead of "told" more of the story because when you showed it you did a really good job. I thought it was nice that the story was resolved in the end and all the suspense you built up was brought back down. Great work!
ReplyDelete