Siena Evard
Period 2
Oliver, April
April 25th, 2014
Team
Spirit
My
heart was beating hard and fast. I gazed up at the ceiling, hoping this would
be of some comfort. The colorful lights reflected intricate patterns that
danced across my pupils. I shut them viciously, hoping this would distract me
from the nervousness that pulsed through my body. I opened my eyes slowly and
softly, my eyelids fluttering from uncertainty as to whether or not I should
shut them again. I continue to open them. As the lights streamed back into me,
I felt a hand gracefully press into my back. My body had tensed up again as I turned my head to see whose
hand had been tickling down my spine. I felt relief. I felt the tension sweep out of my body,
leaving me limp and relying just on the hand that nuzzled down my spine.
“Whoa…take
it easy there. Are you feelings all right?” said Caity.
I responded, “Just
the nerves getting me again”.
“We’ve done this
just about a million times, don’t worry. We’re all here for you. We’re here to
work our hardest for each other today”, said Caity.
Soon, I felt the
embrace of a dozen other girls clustered at my shoulders. They weaved over each
other’s hands and shoulders, now forming into a circle in which had no end, and
no beginning. We were all one, all equally important to each, all needing each
other. I dropped my head towards the floor and was flushed with a smile. I
stared at my shaky knees and ghostly white skin. I looked nervous, but on the
inside I felt content with the love and support I had coiled around me. I
looked admiringly all around the circle that I felt so proud to be a part of.
We had all worked so hard for each other. I turned my head to see whom I had
wrapped in my right arm, pulling them in even tighter. Their chest pounded in
and out, faster and faster. Their forehead dripped with cold sweat. She looked
at me just as how I had looked at her; both admiring the hard work we had both
put into this team, and this routine.
“This is it, all
the hard work we put into all those hard hours at practice pay off here”, Caity
said. We all grunted, agreeing.
I thought back to
the months and months worth of practice. All the hard work, the sweat, the
time, the perseverance. It was all for each other. Each and every girl there
worked unbelievably hard for herself, and for her team. I heard our team name
on the loud speaker, dragging me back to reality.
I looked down at
my knees, now standing solid. My nervousness had been dissolved by the love my
teammates and I all had for each other. I looked around at the squinting eyes
and stretched smiles. My confidence soared as my heart began to race once
again. But this time, my heart pulsed harder and harder due to the confidence
and excitement I was encircled by.
“Okay guys, just
the next few minutes, that’s all that matters”, Caity said.
I filled my lungs with the stuffy
air that surrounded me. I bounced up and down on my toes, pumping my clammy fists
up and down rhythmically. These next few moments were for my team. My hard work
was for them. I brushed the curtain out of my face, welcoming forward the stage
where all our hard work would be shown. I looked across the stage to see the
dim faces cheering for all of us. I heard the screams of excitement and booming
claps steaming from the crowd. Soon, I felt all that fade away. I no longer
heard anything but silence. The next few moments weren’t for the crowd or even
for myself, this was for my team.
Analysis
Similar to Shukhov and his gang
members, the camaraderie I share with my teammates is a big part of my life.
One of the things that inspires Shukhov and his gang to work the hardest is the
rewards they know they will receive if they work together. This, much like any
sports team, shows the hard work teammates do for one and other. One scene in
the novel shows the gangs heading towards the cafeteria for their next rations.
Wanting the most possible food they can get, the prisoners begin to race
against another gang to get there first. During this scene, Shukhov says, “even
the guards are with them”(101). Shukovs gang feels a common goal, to get more
food. They all work together to achieve that goal. By the entire gang running,
Shukhov is not only getting more food for himself, but for his entire gang.
Throughout the novel, prisoners work together to achieve a common goal for one
and other. In the novel, the reward of food not only goes to Shukhov, but his
entire gang. This is reflected in my story by a team winning a competition, the
entire team, not only myself, receives the reward.
Siena, your hook really pulled me in. I like how you never specify what sport this team is for, it allows the reader to focus on what is important; the team. Also, your reactions to the tension and nervousness were described perfectly, and the contrast in your feelings after your teammates comforted your really made it clear the effect it had on you.
ReplyDeleteYour portrayal of nervousness is VERY strong and I love how you caught our attention while explaining the situation and moods of everyone around. Great hook too :) I really like your final line: "this was for my team" it's very strong and it did have a solid conclusion for your character.
ReplyDeleteI love the sensory details! I feel like I can really picture the moment.
ReplyDeleteI love the line "she looked at me just as how I looked at her", it's such a good way to represent the bond you guys have, and the unity of the team. It's a really well written story, and I like how under the theme of hard work and teamwork you have this sort of collective empathy for everyone on the team. I really like this story
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed how much you emphasized the team aspect of the sport, it really allowed me to connect especially since I play a team sport myself and understand where you are coming from! Also the dialogue you use when the members of the team talk to each other is very realistic and I can truly picture a scene like this actually happening in real life somewhere :)
ReplyDelete